Things To Do While Waiting for Final Fantasy XI to Install
Written By: J. Michael Neal

The set-up process for FFXI and the PlayOnline software is one of the longest, most complex, most confusing things you’ll ever face. It’s like ten Ultimecias and a dozen Omega Weapons all rolled into one. It’s an unending maze of registration codes and forms that will call for at least two 40 minute+ downloads and installations. Now, you could just sit there and wait for the little bar at the bottom of the screen to fill up, or you can get your ass up from in front of the TV and do something useful in the meantime. If you chose the more productive option, here are some suggestions for killing time while Final Fantasy XI installs:

• Paint house.
• Restore classic car.
• Bake a cake for your grandmother.
• Read the huge-ass manual.
• Re-read the huge-ass manual.
• Take out garbage.
• Re-tape glasses.
• Dust toy collection.
• Renew magazine subscriptions.
• Think about Princess Leia in that slave girl outfit for about five minutes.

• Sell EverQuest items on eBay.
• Air guitar the entire Transformers theme song.
• Begin countdown to next GTA game.
• Write autobiography.
• Grow beard.
• Reorganize Doctor Who tapes.
• Download Aqua Teen Hunger Force episodes.
• Finally learn how to approximate the Buffy theme on the sitar.

• Wonder where you left your favorite hat.

• Distance yourself from that whole “anime thing” now that it’s gone “mainstream”.
• Remember you pawned your favorite hat to cover the first month’s subscription for FFXI and quietly shed a tear.
• Bitch about how much better games use to be back in the “good old days”.
• Shave freshly grown beard after you decide it looks too Alan Moore-ish.

• Get reacquainted with an old, old friend – direct sunlight.
• Leave yet another bitter message on Hideo Kojima’s answering machine.
• Pre-order next seven Final Fantasy games.
• Lose virginity.
• Hold an actual conversation with a real, live person.
• Stalk Toby Maguire.
• Study for exams… nah, maybe later…

• Contemplate meaning of life.
• Get a headache from all those deep thoughts and go lay down for a while.
• Get a shower for Christ’s sake!
• Calculate exactly how much you’ve spent on video games in your lifetime.
• Suffer minor breakdown after number is finally tallied.
• Drown sorrows in a GameStop shopping spree.
• Write long, pointless list of things to do while waiting for Final Fantasy XI to install.

Posted: 11-9-03