Review By: Jesse Mason
A crowded arena is filled with
a wrestling ring in the shape of a Playstation and millions of gaming folk
and wrestling fans eager to get their hands on WWF Warzone. In the upper
right-hand corner, an announcer in a tuxedo steps out to the center of the
ring as a microphone is lowered to greet him.
Announcer: Welcome ladies and gentlemen. In the right
corner is the motto of corporations, the thing that good games are, the opposite
of unquality: Quality! In the left corner we have an eagerly anticipated
The setting is now a sportscaster box where Phil and
Bill are commenting on the match.
Phil: I don't like this matchup Bill. Warzone has
a severe disadvantage because programmers tend to make their wrestling games
like tourney fighters, making the bulk of the game kicking and punching.
Bill: Fortunately, Phil, WWF Warzone has conquered
that little mistake that plagues many wrestling games. Kicking and punching
is easily overtaken by a block button. In Warzone, punching and kicking is
fine, but what'll win the matches are the fancy throws. What'll definetely
make this match is whether Iguana managed to steer clear of the slow moving
play that has too many fancy button sequences.
Phil: That problem has hung over most of the 32/64
bit wrestling games thus far.
WWF Warzone manages to get Quality trapped in a corner.
Warzone swings his arms two inches away from Quality's head until Quality
hands over balanced gameplay.
Bill: It looks like Warzone has triumphed over slow
play. Balanced gameplay is sure to make many a gamer happy.
Phil: I think it'll need "fighters" balanced as
Warzone sends quality to the ropes and back. Quality
falls over just a foot before WWF Warzone. Warzone gains balanced
Phil: Now that everyone will be able to pick their
favorite wrestler and contend, will Warzone be able to pull sheer fun from
Bill: I dunno Phil. Fun is the hardest thing to pull
off in a wrestling game.
Phil: But you have to remember that Iguana has pulled
out sheer fun in hard to places before. NBA Jam for instance. But I think
it'll folly in the extras department.
Warzone takes Quality's leg and pulls it up behind
him. Quality acts like he's hurting, even though he isn't. Even so he hands
over extras and fun.
Bill: With nice gameplay and the endless fun that gushes
from the create a wrestler mode, WWF Warzone is surely a very fun game. And
the modes are nearly endless.
Phil: It'll look pathetic.
Phil: Well you can't win then all. WWF Warzone is
a very fun game, but it's a bit short on graphics and sound on the
The millions of fans are impatient. They start storming
the ring. Every wrestler is beaten to death by a rabid fan. Quality grabs
onto the microphone dangling from the ceiling and slips out through the
Bill: Oh no.
Phil: They're coming this way!
The end of this review will now substitute for